A Real Story

I downloaded one of those lighter, wink-and-nudge flirting apps mostly because a friend said it was less pressure than a real dating app. No bios to write, just quick banter. I found a line online — something like ‘if you had to describe your ex in one word, what’s the word’ — and figured it was harmless enough to send to basically everyone who matched with me that Thursday night. Eleven guys, same message, sent between episodes of a show I wasn’t even watching.

Friday at lunch, a guy from accounting I barely knew leaned over the table and said, half-laughing, ‘hey, did you send Marcus from IT the exact same ex joke you sent me?’ Turns out both of them had matched with me the night before, both had screenshotted the message to their group chat because it struck them as a decent line, and both recognized my profile photo when someone in the chat pulled it up. I wanted to disappear into the vending machine.

What actually stung wasn’t the awkwardness, it was realizing I hadn’t read a single one of their profiles before sending that message. I didn’t know Marcus mentioned his ex in his bio as a sore subject, or that the accounting guy had just gotten out of a divorce. The line wasn’t clever, it was lazy, and lazy shows.

I still use flirting apps, but now I write one line specific to each profile before I send anything, even if it takes an extra ninety seconds. It’s a small thing but it’s the difference between someone laughing with you and someone laughing at your screenshot in a group chat you’re not in.