How to Actually Get Matches on HER (Not Just Downloads)

Why HER Isn’t Just “Tinder for Queer Women”

People describe HER that way because it’s the easiest shorthand, but it’s a lazy comparison. HER was built specifically for lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and queer women, and that shapes the whole app differently than a swipe-first product would. There’s a community feed where people post like a mini social network, an events tab for local LGBTQ+ meetups, and profile fields for gender identity and sexuality that go beyond a single dropdown menu. If you approach it like Tinder — swipe fast, message shorter, ghost freely — you’ll miss most of what makes it actually work.

The Profile Fields Most People Half-Fill

A lot of users fill in name, age, one photo, and a one-line bio, then wonder why nothing happens. The fields that actually drive matches are the ones people skip:

• Gender identity and sexuality tags — fill these in specifically rather than leaving them blank. They’re used in filtering, and an incomplete profile gets shown to fewer people who are actually looking for someone like you.
• “Into” or interest tags — pick ones you’d genuinely bring up in conversation, not aspirational ones. If you list “hiking” but haven’t hiked since 2019, that’s a conversation that dies fast.
• Prompts — answer at least two with something specific. “I’m looking for someone who…” answered with “is kind and funny” says nothing. Answered with “will argue with me about whether a hot dog is a sandwich” gives someone an actual opening line to use on you.

Photo-wise: lead with a clear, forward-facing solo photo, not a group shot where a match has to guess which person you are. Save one photo for something you’re doing (climbing, cooking, at a show) — it gives people something concrete to comment on besides your face.

Use the Feed Before You Swipe

This is the part almost nobody uses on purpose, and it’s a genuine advantage over apps that don’t have it. The community feed lets you post short updates, memes, or questions, and comment on other people’s posts without matching first. A few ways to use it well:

• Comment on a post from someone whose profile also caught your eye — it’s a lower-pressure intro than a cold message, and it gives you something to reference if you match later.
• Post something with an actual hook (a hot take, a local recommendation, a question) rather than a generic “just moved here!” — engagement on the feed can lead people to check out your profile organically.
• Check the events tab if your city has active listings. Showing up to a queer meetup or mixer listed there gets you in front of people without any app messaging at all.

Opening Lines That Beat “Hey”

Reference something specific from their profile within the first message. Examples that actually work better than a generic greeting:

• “You said you’d fight someone over the last taco — what’s the worst hill you’ve actually died on?”
• “Okay the [show/band] mention in your bio — are we allowed to be friends if I disagree with you about the finale?”
• “Your photo at [specific place] — was that trip as good as it looks or is that just good lighting?”

Avoid opening with a compliment on appearance alone. It’s the most common message people report getting, which means it reads as copy-paste even when it isn’t.

Safety Habits Specific to This App

Some general dating-safety advice applies everywhere, but a few things are worth calling out specifically for HER:

• Watch for men creating fake profiles — this has been a recurring complaint among users on LBTQ-specific apps generally, and HER’s moderation and verification features exist partly because of it. If a profile feels off — inconsistent photos, vague or evasive answers about identity, pushing to move off the app immediately — trust that instinct and report it.
• Video chat before meeting up, even briefly. It confirms the person matches their photos and gives you a read on them beyond text.
• Be thoughtful about outing risk — if either of you isn’t fully out, agree on what’s okay to share, post, or say around mutual friends before a first date, not after.
• Meet the first time in a public, LGBTQ-friendly space you’ve picked yourself, and tell a friend where you’ll be. This isn’t unique to HER, but it matters more when meeting through an app with a community feed people might recognize you from.

Is Premium Worth It?

HER offers a paid tier with extras like seeing who’s liked you and additional filters — exact pricing and feature lists change, so check the current offer in-app rather than trusting an old screenshot or review. A reasonable approach: use the free version fully for a couple of weeks first. If you’re getting matches but struggling to filter through volume, or you want to see who liked you before swiping blind, that’s when premium earns its cost. If you’re barely getting matches at all, the fix is almost always the profile, not the subscription.

Common Mistakes That Quietly Kill Matches

• Leaving gender and sexuality fields blank, which limits who sees your profile in the first place.
• Using only posed, filtered photos — a slightly imperfect candid photo tends to get more genuine responses than a heavily edited one.
• Writing a bio that’s just a list of adjectives instead of anything a stranger could actually reply to.
• Never touching the feed or events tab, and missing the parts of the app that don’t rely on swiping luck.