A Real Story

After my divorce, I had exactly enough money for rent, ramen, and gas to get to my adjunct teaching job in Dayton. Dating apps with a monthly fee were not happening, so I made myself a rule: free tier only, no exceptions, no ‘just this once’ upgrade to see who liked me. I downloaded OkCupid, Plenty of Fish, and Bumble and gave each one two weeks before judging it. Plenty of Fish felt like wading through spam. Bumble’s free version worked fine but felt like a popularity contest where I had twenty-four hours to say something clever to a stranger holding a fish. OkCupid was the one that actually asked me questions worth answering, like whether I’d rather have unlimited money or unlimited time, and matched me with people based on how we answered, not just a photo.

That’s where I found Nate, a high school shop teacher who wrote in his profile that his last relationship ended because he refused to stop composting in a no-yard apartment. I messaged him about my own failed attempt at composting in a five-gallon bucket under my sink, and we spent three days trading increasingly unhinged theories about worm behavior before he asked me to get coffee. We met at a diner off Route 4 that only took cash, and he showed up with a mason jar of compost soil as a joke gift, which should have been weird but made me laugh so hard I choked on my coffee.

We’ve been together fourteen months now and he still brings up the worm theories unprompted. I never paid a cent for any of it, and honestly the free version forced me to write a real profile and actually read other people’s instead of swiping on autopilot, which I think made the difference more than any premium feature would have.