A Real Story

I downloaded Tinder in January after a friend’s wedding made me feel like the last single person alive. Within three weeks I had 140 matches and maybe four actual conversations, most of which fizzled after “hey” or turned into unsolicited photos I didn’t ask for. I tried Bumble next because I liked the idea of messaging first, but I found myself doing all the emotional labor of the conversation while men gave one-word answers, so that lasted about six weeks before I got tired of feeling like an unpaid customer service rep.

Hinge is the one that actually changed things for me, and I think it’s because you have to answer prompts instead of just swiping on a face. I put an honest, slightly weird prompt about how I once cried at a gas station because a song came on, and the guys who commented on it were self-selecting for people who read past a bikini photo. My now-boyfriend messaged me specifically about that prompt, and our first date was two hours long because we just kept talking.

What I’d tell any woman starting out: the app matters less than how much effort you put into your profile actually saying something about you. I went from 140 shallow matches on Tinder to maybe 15 on Hinge, but almost every one of those 15 led to a real conversation. Fewer matches, better matches — that’s the trade I’d make every time now.